* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEX, LIES, AND NECROMANCY by Daniel Parsons and Brandi Weed Of course, if we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Angel leafed through the file, inspecting its contents. There was a transcript of some radio broadcasts, a small, water-stained slip of paper with a pencilled scrawl on it, and a few loose memos. "All right..." Angel knitted her brow. "It seems our man Coleman was on board the _Caduces_ on watchdog duty. His radio contact was stationed on a ship called _Esmeralda_, which was disguised as a fishing boat." "What's that little slip of paper?" "I'm getting to that. It was found, along with Coleman's badge and identification, in a life jacket that washed up in Ireland on June 5, seven days ago." The slip of paper, seemingly torn from a notebook, contained only a hurried scrawl in a blunt pencil: 10:07 FROGMEN Ardrin whistled. "That's bizarre. This thing must have been done by a real spy agency." "Aren't we members of a 'real spy agency'?" With a contemptuous look, Angel returned to looking through the folder. "Besides, I would have thought that the involvement of a large group, with great resources, would have been a foregone conclusion. Who else could have made a whole ship disappear off the radar of an MI5 spy ship?" "That still doesn't explain how they made it disappear." "We'll get to that too, Jane. Now, let's see... the only other thing here is the radio transcript. Couldn't you have gotten a file on Coleman, Jane?" "I thought you didn't want me to get this at all, Angel." "I did want us to get it. I also wanted us to go through proper channels." Janie hmphed. "Speaking of channeling, why don't we try waking up Bob?" "We tried." Grinning widely, Jake made a shadow-butterfly with his hands on the wall, humming the Twilight Zone theme. "How about if I try?" Janie glanced at Angel. "I'm already in trouble as it stands." "Yes, do wake him. I think he'll want to be here when we read the radio transcript." Janie walked into Samuels' office. His office was relatively small, and sparse, with a single window. There were several books on Transcendental Meditation, a dusty file cabinet, and a small wooden apple puzzle in pieces on his desk. He, meanwhile, was sitting cross- legged on the desk; Janie had to check to see if he was breathing. "Uh... Mr. Samuels? Sir?" There was no response whatsoever. "Bob?" Still no response. Janie tried tapping on his shoulder, then on his forehead, and finally threatening to solve his apple puzzle. Janie came out of the office and walked down the hall. "Drastic measures must be taken." "Uh oh. Jake, let's try one more time, for his sake." "I'm with ya. Do we throw him out in the hall this time?" "Sounds good. You take the left side." "What!?" Angel crossed her arms and glared at the two males. "You will do no such thing with our supervisor. Let me try." "Go right ahead." Angel walked in and stared at the apparently comatose Samuels, chewing her nail. "Mr. Samuels, sir, you had really better come out of it. I don't think I can restrain my colleagues much longer." For a long moment, nothing happened. Then, Samuels' breathing quickened and deepened, and his eyelids fluttered open, to gaze glassily into Angels. Jake blinked. "Hallelujah, he is risen." "Would you like to read the transcript now?" "Uh..." Angel blinked and stepped back a pace. "Certainly, sir. We didn't realize you were listening." At this moment, Janie came bounding back into the room with her walkman. "Ok, I've got it. Oh, you woke up." "I was not asleep." "My mistake, sir. I was about to inflict The Dead Kennedys on you." Samuels smiled slightly. "Ms. Calder, I was not aware that you wished to call me 'Bob'." "Oh, uh..." Janie turned pink about the ears. "I thought the impertinence might wake you up, Mr. Samuels sir." "And you are aware that Mr. Hartree does not normally deal with individual operations; we subsume ourselves to the whole we all create in order to accomplish any great task, and to break with our purpose within that whole destroys its symmetry. When we wish to request more information, the proper messenger must be sent." Janie looked at the floor, and quietly nodded. "Well, Hartree did say he didn't think the information was necessary. I think it is." Samuels looked at Janie until she bowed her head again. "Perhaps it is not that it not useful. Perhaps it is because the information it contains may endanger others, if it were to be generally known?" "But he's dead..." "If the ship is merely missing, not gone, what of its crew? Who can speak of them? We do not know what we thought was true." "Yes, sir." With a nervous shuffling of her feet, Janie stared silently at the floor again. After almost completely concealing an expression of satisfaction, Angel opened the file again. "Shall we read the transcript, sir?" "It is a transcript of the radio communications between Coleman and his contact, is it not?" "Yes." "Very well. Read it aloud." 15 May 1991, 21:42 Watchdog: This is watchdog, come in... watchdog on... Esmeralda: Receiving. Hello, watchdog. What's the code word for today? W: , ma'am. Continue. E: All right, watchdog. How was your first day aboard? W: Dull. The cargo is secured, unmolested, no one is showing any interest. Captain Muller, First Marten, nine crew: Galey, Hunter, Mgune, Clonkey, Ash, Everson, Nesbitt, and Rash. My watch starts at 22:00, on the aft deck. Routine checks showed clear. E: Received. All's well, over. W: Over and out. 16 May 1991, 21:40 W: Watchdog barking on the open sea... E: Receiving, watchdog. What's the word? W: . Drizzle this morning. Got myself threatened by Mgune, the big nigger. Called him stupid, and he got mad. E: Watchdog, watch it. You've had trouble like this before. W: Yeah, I know. But if I didn't stand out, I'd be suspect, right? E: I never did agree with that. Anything special today? W: Nada. Over. E: Goodnight. Over and out. 17 May 1991, 21:47 W: Watchdog calling. Watchdog calling. E: Receiving, watchdog. How's... W: . Still dull. Captain Muller called me to his cabin today for discipline about Mgune. E: What's happened? W: He and I met, and I had to hurt him some. Nothing serious, just enough to get me called up by the Weegie. E: Watchdog, this is supposed to be low profile. Try to keep it down on this one, all right? There's a lot riding. W: No more than any of the others. E: Right, watchdog. Over. C: Out. 18 May 1991, 21:44 W: Watchdog, come in. E: Here. What's the word? W: . Day went well. This looks to be simple. Cover on the cargo is maintained, crew working like nothing was going on. E: Nothing is, watchdog. What have you been doing to keep yourself? W: There's one number on this boat, Ash. Moves like a dancer; nice ass on her, too. Looks like a spoiled kid, though. E: What's she doing in the merchant fleet? W: Probably running away from home. She set her eyes on the nigger, though. Only other two over here are dogs. E: Well said, watchdog. W: [Howling noise] Give me a month or two at sea, and they'd all look pretty good. E: Will they, now? Well, you know how to take the tension off. W: You and your dirty mind. Can I see you again when we get in? E: Maybe. But control yourself, I'm a married woman now. W: You take all the fun out of my life. Over. E: Over and out. 19 May 1991, 21:45 W: Barking up the wrong tree, this is... E: ...watchdog, receiving you. Getting bored? W: Yeah. I hate babysitting. By the way, . We get in Liverpool in a week, right? E: Right. I'll be with you 'till then. How's Mgune and your dancer? W: Kissy face. Shit, I'm prettier than he is. Ain't I? E: I'm not supposed to look anymore, watchdog. And keep your mind on business or you'll get a shorter chain on the next one. W: He's even got scars on his face. E: Well, if all you're going to do is whine, I don't want to hear it. Be seeing you in a week. Over? W: Over and out. 20 May 1991, 21:49 W: Watchdog calling. E: Four minutes late. Code word? W: . Sorry. Met Mgune again. Bastard stroked me from behind, then kicked me a few times. Motherfucker can hit, too. E: Watch the language, watchdog. How's the cargo? W: Fine, fine. Nesbitt patched my head. Don't think he'll mention it to the captain, he's all right. Be up by tomorrow. E: Be careful, watchdog. You remember Arnold, that marine from two years back you swore never hit you that hard? Keep your mind on what you're doing, now. W: I know what I'm doing, missy. Don't try to teach your grandma to suck eggs. Over. E: Over and out. 21 May 1991, 21:45 W: This is watchdog, sleeping in. E: What's the word? W: . I won a watch docket from Clonkey at cards, so I'm staying in tonight. He was an idiot; really thought he could play. E: Cargo checks, watchdog? W: Fine, fine. I did all the checks and scans. You all right? E: You haven't been behaving yourself. It's going to cost you when all this is over, you know. You've been written up for laxity before, and another black mark will be very bad for you. W: Good lord, you are a married woman. E: Watchdog, I'm serious. You can only go so far. W: C'mon. If anything happens, I'll get a citation for bravery and get myself out. E: Of course. Keep it up, doggy; maybe I'll get someone else to talk to late at night. W: Pleasant dreams, . Over. E: Over and out, watchdog. 22 May 1991, 21:44 W: Watchdog calling. I'm yanking my leash... E: Sorry, watchdog. How is it today? W: . Nothing. Bloody nothing. I thought my scan picked up an anomaly around Marten's cabin, but it turned out to be his TV. He was listening to some Irish broadcasts. E: Nice TV. Anything with Mgune? W: Nah. Over. E: Goodnight. Over and out. 23 May 1991, 21:43 W: Watchdog calling Esmeralda. Come in, . Watchdog... E: Madam here. What is it? W: I picked up Marten's TV again. He must be transmitting. Thing is, I looked over the whole cabin and couldn't find anything. The thing's got to be well hidden. I'm getting less-than-a-second pulses at irregular intervals. Probably code. E: We haven't picked up a thing here, watchdog. If it's directional, he should have a parabolic. Does he have an umbrella in there? W: Oh, I looked in that. I've already double-checked the cargo, and the rest of the ship, and nearly got caught doing it. Nothing. Could he be IRA? E: We'll run a satellite link-up to cross-check it. And keep an eye out for him. W: What would IRA want with this thing, anyway? E: Lord knows. Probably just want to rile us up. Or they're after the tractors. W: Ha! Keep on it, girl. Over. E: Be careful. Over and out. 24 May 1991, 9:40 W: Watchdog to Esmeralda. Come in... E: Reading you, watchdog. The word? W: Oh, . Madam, I am an idiot. A true idiot. When we get in, you have permission to kick me. E: All right. Can I schedule it for 8? By the way, we turned up nothing on Marten. I assume you know why? W: The signal I kept getting was Marten's remote control. E: [Laughing noise] Watchdog, you are an idiot. W: I feel like it. Double checked the cargo and ship again; nada. E: All right. Maybe you can get Mgune to kick you, since I'm not there to do it in person. W: Bitch. E: How rude! That'll cost you a pint. W: Oh, all right. Twist my arm. Over. E: Pleasant dreams. Over and out. 25 May 1991, 00:12 W: Watchdog calling Esmeralda, calling Esmeralda... E: We read you watchdog. We saw it too. W: Yes. Looked like someone shot a rocket flare up over on Land's End. Think it could have been a signal? E: That's entirely possible. We're calling it in, and asking for someone to look into it. We're getting nothing else out here. W: Nothing on board here, either. Everson was on foredeck watch, and Ash was on the bridge with Marten. Everyone else was supposed to be below, asleep. Did you run that check on Marten? E: Yes. Back to the cradle. Nothing on him at all. W: A bloody rocket. Sounds primitive enough to be IRA. E: We're checking on it, watchdog. W: Does anybody use rockets like that? E: You can get them fairly easily. It's just fireworks. W: I knew this job looked too easy. E: That's just what I've been telling you. If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something. W: Heartwarming. I've already checked the cargo, and I'll check it again. Same time tomorrow night, I guess? E: We'll signal if there's anything. W: Fine. Over and out. 25 May 1991, 20:43 W: I am calling you, owooo, owoooo... E: Reading, watchdog. Any more distressing news? W: Very funny. , for the last time. Marten isn't doing anything abnormal this evening. Get anything on him? E: Nope. W: Damn. This is real nervous making. The only other thing is this storm we're in the middle of. E: Yes, it's all over the radar. Funny, the sky's almost clear over where we are. W: Came up 15 minutes ago. Been driving rain ever since. Should let up by morning, though. Watch is gonna be rough. E: Well, watch yourself. See you tomorrow night. W: Sure. Over. E: Over and out. After the reading, the group fell silent. Janie, who had been fiddling nervously with the apple puzzle, glumly set the completed puzzle on Samuels' desk. Ardrin cocked an eye at Samuels. "May 25 is the day the ship disappeared, isn't it?" "Yes. In the middle of a driving storm, which dissipated as soon as the ship was gone." Silence descended again, while everyone pondered theories, discarding impossible ideas and finding little to propose that wasn't impossible. Janie finally laughed. "Cute trick." Jake grinned. "Yeah. Wonder how they did it." Daniel Parsons Brandi Weed Questions or comments to bweed@anubis.claremont.edu