* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEX, LIES, AND NECROMANCY by Daniel Parsons and Brandi Weed What are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelations, forget what the stars foretell, avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable verdict of history -- what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts! -- Robert Heinlein * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Angel stared at Grayson from the passenger seat, trying to force him to meet her eyes. He very deliberately ignored her. "Mr. Grayson, I'm sure you're aware that what you've just done was quite illegal." "O' course it was. That's why it worked." "And what might the motor pool superintendent have to say?" "Jamie? Nothin' much; it's sort of a payback for somethin' he did ta me a while ago. Just think of it as a way to make tha wheels o' bureaucracy run smoother." "And he hasn't reported you?" "He won't; I won't. Matter o' pride." Angel continued to glare as they approached the hospital. "You also said I was going to be driving." "Don't be daft." They both had to surrender their sidearms when entering the hospital, but Grayson still got caught by the metal detector; he said it was from some screws bolting his left arm together. They patted him down anyway, but couldn't find anything. After the preliminaries were dispensed with, Grayson explained that he'd go to visit "Bob", and let Angel go see Janie by herself for a few minutes. "You'll wanna do all that girls-gettin'-together stuff out tha way first." "Why thank you, Mr. Grayson. I'll try my best to keep the 'girl stuff' extra short so as not to interfere with your schedule." "Wha' schedule? Go say 'ello to your friend, I got some other things ta take care of. When you've finished it all, we can get down ta work." He then walked off, whistling. Angel stared at his back for a while before taking the lift up to Janie's room. Janie was up and just tying her shoes when Angel knocked. "Come on in, I'm decent." Angel threw the door open with a bang. This was unusual, Janie thought; Angel was not wont to slam doors. "Hey, what's doing?" "Oh, nothing. And I'm glad you're decent; someone around here has to be. I've just spent the morning with a man that Hartree claims is going to be our new supervisor." "Oh. So, uh... who is he?" "Thomas Grayson. And he has got to be the most..." Angel shook her head, at a loss for appropriate adjectives. "First, I went up to his office, and I believe he was asleep." "Yeah?" "Yes. I distinctly heard snoring." Janie suppressed a giggle. "Go on." "Then, he invited me into his office. I stood the entire time. I really didn't want to touch anything in there. It was an utter pigsty, and there were a number of things in there that, when I think back on it, I'm sure it was illegal to have. Such as a machine gun, sitting on his desk." "No shit?" Angel was so incensed, she completely forgot to take offence at the profanity. "Yes. He had his hat hanging on it! Then he gave me a lecture on what we were up against, as if I could not possibly have figured anything out for myself about it. Then..." She squared her shoulders and threw her handbag into a chair. "He... OH!" Janie was leaning forward, suddenly overcome with curiosity. "What? What? What? Did he pinch you?" "No! We went down to the motor pool to get a car to come over here. But he didn't have any of the proper forms, and the supervisor wouldn't give him one. So he hit him over the head with a tool box!" "He did what?" "Knocked him out, STOLE the keys, and drove over here as though nothing had happened! Right in front of me!" Janie laughed. "What a momzer!" "What?" "Oh, sorry. Momzer. A clever sort of bastard. One of me mum's pet words. Was the motor pool guy ok?" "He was. And I didn't think it was especially clever. It was much more like someone who's gotten entirely too used to breaking the rules whenever he feels like it, and I don't like it at all." "So why don't you report him?" "Oh, I intend to. Absolutely. I don't wish to say anything against the man so soon after being assigned to him, but his whole attitude is simply infuriating. I can't imagine how he's managed to stay in the company. It's absolutely intolerable." "Actually, I think he sounds kind of entertaining. Where is he?" "Oh, he said he was going to visit Mr. Samuels. Apparently, they know each other, though I can't imagine what Mr. Samuels would have to do with anyone like him." "A soul to align on the great karmic wheel?" Angel blinked in confusion and stared at Janie. "Janie, are you sure you're all right?" "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Kinda sore. The cigarette burn is annoying." "Oh, dear. I'm sorry, here I am talking about him while you're still hurt. I hope you're not hurt too badly?" Janie shook her head. "Nope. Prof. Samuels is a good computer programmer, but a lousy interrogator, and he doesn't know how to keep a prisoner either. I got away with --" The door swung open again, and in walked Grayson. "Hello, girls. You tha one tha computer geek caught?" Janie nodded. "So you're Thomas Grayson, huh?" "Yep." He extended his hand. "Tom is good. Anybody tell ya you look like a dyke?" Angel made a small strangled noise, and Janie slowly blinked. "Thank you for sharing. We all feel refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view." "It ain't unique. You looked at yourself lately?" He plopped down on the bed. "Now, I'm goin' ta be your supervisor. Right? Right. That means I don't take no shit from either of you. Now, lets talk about what we got so far on this thing." They spent the remainder of the afternoon going over all they had found, bit by bit, with Grayson interjecting several snotty comments along the way, until they got to Janie's capture and torture, and the events at Garioc castle. "A flash-bang, eh?" "That's what it appears to have been, Mr. Grayson." "And they were maybe 6 feet apart?" "I believe so." Janie swallowed. "Jeez. That takes guts." "Wonder how he walks with balls that big?" Grayson grinned. "Sounds loike a man to avoid for now." "I believe, Mr. Grayson, that arresting Mr. Finger would give us everything we need to crack this entire case." "A: we think he might be working for someone else. You think he knows everything? And B: do you want to be tha one who tries ta 'rest him? We get him surrounded and outgunned, or we don't even try. It's an unacceptable risk. Besides, we got some prisoners to interview and release. We keep 'em waiting much longer, and tha courts'll take care of 'em for us." "We're not entirely sure Mr. Finger is working for someone else. And the longer we give him to work, the harder it will be for us. We really ought to concentrate everything we have on capturing him --" Grayson glared out from under his hat brim at Angel. "Lord, they're teaching you kids everything these days. I ought to go back to tha academy so's I can learn somethin' about investigating too." Angel met Grayson's look coldly. "I don't mean to insinuate any lack of competence or ability on your part, Mr. Grayson. I simply was saying that we ought to concentrate our efforts at the highest level we can reach. Now, the best way is --" "I'll ask for your opinion when I want it. Finger's working for somebody else, that's 90% certain. But if anyone knows who that somebody is, and I'll bet my hat it's that computer prof who got you." Janie blinked. "Professor Samuels? But he didn't know." "He didn't know who Finger was. But he knew something else we didn't. Remember that bread? He nabbed it. That means he knew tha computer had been snatched, not sunk, and was able to nab a truck coming out of the area the computer had been taken to. But he didn't know who Finger was." "That would imply that Finger did not capture the ship himself." Angel frowned. "Or perhaps he did, and his name was never associated with it in Samuels' information sources, so that Samuels only knew how it was taken, not who took it." "Not bloody likely. Doesn't fit Finger's way of doing things. We should interview that kid you caught. Odds are he knows nothin', but he might have overheard Samuels sayin' somethin'." "I seriously doubt he will provide us with much information, Mr. Samuels. In fact, I'm quite certain that --" "Look, will you two quit arguing? We have to interview that punk anyway. Let's just do it and see what we get, ok?" "Roight. What I was about to say meself. He's just down the hall, awaiting your presence." "He's here?" "Well, he got his ears boxed pretty bad." Grayson grinned. "Good move, by the way. And while you're going over him, I want to go over that physical evidence you got at Garioc." "Physical evidence?" "Tha papers from Finger's briefcase. You had a chance to look at 'em yourself?" "Oh, no, I haven't. They're locked up back at the office." "Good. I'll leave the car here. Come on up when you're done." He tossed the keys to Angel, and left. "I do wonder where he gets his ideas." "He didn't seem that bad, Angel. I wonder why he wears that hat all the time?" "I have no idea. Some sort of low sartorial flair, I suppose. Do you feel up to interviewing that hoodlum?" "Yeah, I guess." The kid was named Jerome Pepper. They had his wrists strapped to the sides of the bed, and he glared sullenly at Janie and Angel as they walked in. "Hello, Jerome," Angel said. "I see we haven't been a very good patient." Jerome glared sullenly at the two of them. "When do I get to see my barrister?" "He'll be coming by later in the afternoon. For now, we wish to take up some of your valuable time with a few questions." "I don't have to say nothin'." "No, you don't," Janie said. "You can sit there all day if you feel like it, but it won't look very good at the hearing. Abduction and assault, not to mention conspiracy? Those are pretty hefty offenses." She grinned, glancing at the stubble growing back on Jerome's scalp. "You'd probably be balding for real by the time you got out of prison." Jerome looked down and wouldn't say a word. Angel sat down by the side of the bed. "According to your records, Jerome, you haven't been caught at anything serious before. The court might look kindly on you if you turn Queen's evidence on Professor Samuels." "What, rat on the geek? No problem." "It's nice to see you being so helpful," Janie said. "I do hope you're mending nicely." He gave her a shit-eating grin. "Just fine, no thanks to you. How's the ol' titties doin'?" Janie ignored him, while taking out a small tape recorder. "We'll have time for chit-chat later." Jerome was as helpful as he knew how. He went all the way back to the beginning, when he and his friends had first met Samuels. He had contacted their gang and paid them a great deal of money to snatch a truck while they were up in Scotland. "Where was this truck?" Angel asked. "Expressway 38, near Newtonmore. Weird, though. All it had in it was a lot of bread mix. The geek was really pissed." Janie smirked. "Do tell." "Yeah." He snickered. "Didn't want to pay us. But we rearranged parts of his little car 'till he did. That was... about a month ago, I guess." "And now he's hired you again?" "Yeah. Got his own bike now, and has us runnin' around between here and Scotland. Sent three of us up to Inverness to look in some building a couple-three days ago." "What building would that be?" "Dunno. Also had us grab you. Sorry, just business, ya know?" "So's this." Janie shrugged. "Any idea what he's looking for?" "He says a computer. Also says we wouldn't understand. Geek." "Well, that sounds perfectly lovely, Jerome. Now, do you have any idea why Professor Samuels was sending any of your friends to Inverness?" "Nope." Angel capped her pen. "Good afternoon, then. Your barrister will be up soon, and we'll give him a copy of our interview to review. Janie, let's go." As they walked out to the car, Angel looked at her notes. "That was actually helpful. I wonder what's in Inverness?" "It could be he's just shitting us." "Janie... do you *have* to use such language so constantly?" "Sorry. But he could just be telling us a story." "Maybe. Though I would not be surprised if Inverness was somehow pivotal. It would make an excellent base." "I guess. Yeah, Finger might have something going there; it's a nice big city. Maybe we'll find something in those papers." "Let's go have a look, then. And hope our supervisor hasn't lost or soiled them or something." "I... don't think so, Angel." Daniel Parsons Brandi Weed Questions or comments to bweed@muddcs.cs.hmc.edu Available for ftp from ftp.cs.pdx.edu, in /pub/frp/stories/SLN -- Brandi Weed "I've got a good mind to join the club bweed@muddcs.claremont.edu and beat you over the head with it." bweed@muddcs.cs.hmc.edu --Groucho Marx