* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

                      SEX, LIES, AND NECROMANCY

                                  by

                    Daniel Parsons and Brandi Weed

          Some people who slap you on the back are trying to
              help you swallow what they just told you.

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Angel, Janie, and Mr. Grayson took the overnight train to Inverness,
arriving a little before 8 o'clock.  Ardrin was there to meet them; or
he would have been, except he'd managed to find a restaurant that
would serve alcohol at that hour, and so was treating himself to a
vodka-and-egg breakfast.
     "Hey, there" he said as an exasperated-looking Angel walked in.
     "Ardrin, where were you?  We looked all up and down the station
for you."
     "Right here.  Sorry.  I got a warrant for another Finger chick."
     "That's lovely, Ardrin.  We'll pop over straight away, as soon as
you've done destroying your stomach lining. Who is this girl, anyway?"
     "Jillian Flash," Ardrin said as Janie and Mr. Grayson walked in.
"Works for the bank of Inverness.  McEwey fingered her."
     Janie smirked. "No pun intended, I hope."
     Ardrin grinned a bit. "Yeah, right." He and Grayson looked each
other over. "McEwey says she takes the money and puts it into the
temple.  Hundreds of thousands of pounds.  You Thomas Grayson?"
     "Ayuh.  I dinn't know this place served at breakfast.  There's a
place two blocks down that does, but nevah this one."
     Angel stared for a moment at Grayson, then whispered to Janie,
"Gee, do you think he might be able to write a guide book on it?"
     Ardrin glanced up as Janie giggled. "Uh, yeah.  I just walked in
and asked.  What do we do now?"
     "First," Grayson said as he snitched the last of Ardrin's drink,
"we 'rrest this Flash girl, and lean on 'er immediately.  Then we get
to our 10 o'clock with tha Shrinahs."
     "And after that, sir."
     "Then we'll have more ta go on.  First things first.  How'd you
get tha girl ta crack, anyway?"
     "Simple.  She didn't know she wasn't his one and only.  And she's
jealous of anybody who gets near him.  I mentioned other girls, and
Inverness, and she put two and two together and got five.  Blurted it
all out.  No prob."
     "Ha!  Women.  Better lookin' they are, more they can't stand
anybody else.  Sly move.  Let's get outa here."
     Everyone piled into Ardrin's car, and took off for the bank.  In
the back seat, Angel leaned over to whisper to Janie again. "My, they
seem to be getting along famously."
     "Yeah," Janie whispered back. "I guess they're kindred spirits."
     "Oh, Ardrin isn't that bad."
     "What?  Mr. Grayson isn't a bad sort.  I think he's funny."
     "In a Cro-Magnon sort of way, I suppose.  What is it?"
     Janie had glanced behind them as they drove along, and was
staring at a man on a motorbike about 50 yards behind them. "I think
I've seen that guy somewhere."
     As they stared at him, he took a right turn and disappeared from
view. "I didn't recognize him.  Do you think he was one of Samuels'
cycle gang members?"
     "I... don't think he was.  They had real motorcycles, for one
thing.  I just thought I'd seen him somewhere."
     Angel nodded. "Tell Mr. Grayson, and wait to see if he comes
back.  It could be nothing."
     The man on the motorbike did not reappear, and they arrived at
the bank before 8:30.  Before they got of the car, Grayson drew his
pistol and flipped the safety off. "Now, I'll want a few words with
you before we go in."
     "Sir, are you sure that will be necessary?" Angel asked. "This is
a member of Finger's personal harem, not the IRA."
     "She's in on his finances; she's important, and'll probably have
taken steps in case somethin' like this happens." Grayson swept his
gaze over them, looking oddly like a sergeant dressing out his troops.
"You always be ready for anything when you arrest a suspect.  Even if
you're just there ta question 'em, they may panic and do somethin'
stupid, and if you're not ready, you get yourself killed.  Got me?"
     "Certainly, sir.  Very sensible."
     After frowning a bit at Angel, who quietly returned his gaze,
Grayson looked over the interior of the bank. "Roight, then.  Ardrin,
you wait beside the door, with a clear view of the whole floor.  Watch
everybody while we go get Flash.  And give me the keys; I'll be takin'
her back to base."
     Ardrin nodded and handed the Range Rover keys over. "Right.  If
you wreck it, I'll forget you outrank me."
     "O' course.  Angel, you'll be tha front.  You ask for 'er, and
present her with tha warrant.  Who's got tha warrant, anyway?"
     "Right here." Ardrin handed it to Angel. "Why Angel?"
     "She's short and female and got tha right kind of accent.  I want
this quick and quiet.  The target shouldn't know what hit her until we
got her out tha door."
     They blinked a bit, and an indignant look crept over Angel's
face.  Janie finally laughed a bit, and nodded. "Actually, that's very
true, sir.  What should I do?"
     Angel shot Janie a very nasty look, then turned back to Grayson.
"Sir, I am from Wales.  I fail to see why sounding Welsh will make Ms.
Flash come along quietly."
     "Well then, I want you in front 'cause you're so likable."
     "Besides, you sound more like you're from Cambridge."
     "That's not true, Ardrin.  I'm very proud of my home country."
     "Actually, I was kind of surprised to hear you from Wales."
     Grayson waved his hat in the air. "Hey, 'ere now!  We got a job
ta do!  Janie, your job is ta get inta their computer and see what
kind of action that account has had the last two weeks.  And see if
they got any deposit boxes or anything like that.  Ardrin, you stick
around to in case anything nasty happens."
     "But what do I say if they ask me why we arrested her?"
     "You don't have to say nothin'.  If you want, tell 'em she's been
arrested for solicitation.  What are you gigglin' for?"
     Stammering "sorry, sir," as she tried to muffle herself, Janie
shook her head. "Won't happen again."
     Grayson stared heavenward. "Oh, bliss.  Let's do it."
     As they got out of the car and entered the bank, a young blonde
man met them at the door. "Hello, there!  I couldn't help but notice
you sitting in your jeep out there."
     "It's a Range Rover." Ardrin crossed his arms and shuffled over
to stand beside a potted plant by the door.
     "Oh, of course.  Well, I was wondering if there was anything I
could help you with?"
     "Yes, thank you." Angel opened her notebook and paged through it.
"We would like to speak to one of your representatives about opening
an account for our business. Ms. Jillian Flash was recommended to us."
     "I'll get her right away.  Please, take a seat right here."
     "Thank you."
     The man briskly walked behind the main counter.  Grayson stared
at Angel. "What business?"
     "You said you didn't want her to suspect anything."
     "You sound like an old episode of 'Danger Man'."
     "Hey, isn't that the one with Patrick McGoohan?"
     "Nevah mind.  Here she comes."
     "Hello." Jillian was tall, leggy, blonde and almost audibly tan,
dressed in a very smart, very expensive-looking blue suit.  "I'm Jill.
How can I help you?"
     "How did you get that tan?" Janie asked, despite herself.
     Jill laughed. "I've been overseas.  Have you been to Naples?"
     "Yes," Angel nodded. "A beautiful city.  But I'm afraid we
haven't time to chat.  Ms. Flash, you are under arrest for receiving
stolen property and conspiracy."
     Quickly, and quietly, they ushered Jill out of the bank, patted
her down, cuffed her, and put her in the car.  Thankfully, she was so
surprised, she hardly made a noise before Tom started the engine.
"Wha... wha... here!  What are you doing?"
     "MI5.  You're under arrest.  Like we said." Tom put the Range Rover
in gear. "Angel, will you read her tha warrant?"
     Angel nodded. "Very well, then.  You, being the party of the
first part, are hereby under arrest on the charges of 1) Knowingly
receiving..."  Her voice was drowned out as Tom roared away.
     Ardrin brushed off his hands. "Think she'll talk?"
     "I hope so.  I hate running up and down the whole country all the
time.  Let's get back inside and explain this."
     The bank employees were all gathered at the doors, staring out in
confusion and shock.  Ardrin shoved the door open, and showed the
crowd his badge. "It's all right, nothin' more to see."
     "Where are you taking her?" someone demanded.
     "Ms. Flash has been placed under arrest."
     "What for?"
     Janie shrugged. "I don't think they'll go for the solicitation
thing."
     Ardrin sighed. "Receiving stolen property, conspiracy to commit a
felony, money laundering, and a few crimes against humanity involving
a large sheep, probably.  Now, which one of you is the manager?"
     After collaring the manager, Janie and Ardrin went through some
fairly routine questions.  No, Ms. Flash had worked at the bank for
eight years, and they had no reason to suspect her of any duplicity.
Yes, a man matching Finger's description sometimes visited her.  Yes,
she handled several accounts, the Benevolent Temple of B'nai B'rith
being one of them.  No, their records were strictly confidential.
Yes, you do have a search warrant.  Of course.  Anything you say.
     Ardrin finally waved the manager away and watched Janie go
through the Shriners accounts. "That's a lot of money."
     "Yep, and most of its Finger's.  You know, when we visit them, we
really should ask to see their membership list."
     "We don't have a warrant for them.  Where's it all going?"
     "Can't tell from here.  Lots of it is going as cash, it looks
like.  Some transfers, but they look like routine business.  They have
some safety deposit boxes here."
     Ardrin nodded. "The warrant covers them too.  Get a printout of
all that stuff and let's go."
     The manager opened the safety deposit boxes for them, with a
minimum of protest.  All of them contained strange things, but nothing
illegal; a bright red fez with a golden tassel, a schematic for a
small automobile, some purple and gold robes.  But one box would not
open; the key for it was missing from the managers ring.
     "I don't understand it," the manager whined.  "Every key is
supposed to be here.  This can't be happening.  I couldn't possibly
have misplaced it."
     "You mean, somebody took that key off the ring."
     "But that's strictly against bank policy!  None of our employees
would do such a thing, and no one else has access to it!"
     "Right." Ardrin turned to Janie. "Janie, what are you doing with
that stupid hat?"
     Janie had put on the fez. "I was wondering if maybe it was the
Holy Fez of Saint Bob or something.  Whatcha need?"
     "Do you know anything about locks?"
     "Sure!"  Janie knelt in front of the lock and pulled a little
tool kit out of her back pocket. "I never go without.  Used to have to
help me mum get back into the house all the time."  She inserted a
long flanged tool into the lock, jiggled it a bit, and the door sprang
open. "Ta da!"
     Ardrin pulled a wooden case out of the box, and opened the lid.
Inside, resting on a green velvet lining, was a small dagger, made of
some reddish-gold metal.  Down the straight triangular blade were six
runes, scratched rather than impressed into the metal.  The surface
was dull, and looked worn down, as if from many, many honings; the
scratched runes were barely visible.
     Janie whistled. "Hullo.  This looks queer."
     Ardrin frowned. "Is that thing made of bronze?"
     "No, it looks like copper.  Don't those symbols look like the
ones from Bob's office?"
     "Yeah, exactly.  But those were only two symbols, and part of a
third.  Think we got the whole thing here?"
     "Yeah... I think so.  Huh.  Wait 'till the others see this."


Daniel Parsons                                             Brandi Weed
                      Questions or comments to bweed@muddcs.cs.hmc.edu
                                                or dparsons@netcom.com
        Available for ftp from ftp.cs.pdx.edu, in /pub/frp/stories/SLN